i wonder what kind of woman i will become

the one with skin that
spills over hips and
down to where her legs
hold onto it? the kind
big-boned and gentle
and slow
and heavy as a giraffe
walking. How long will
my neck be? How stretched
will I have become
from all of the hours
I spent reaching
away from my heart
toward God.
how many times will
I have wished that
I wasn't living in this
body, how many times
will I thank myself
for my knees and
my lower back
how much earth will i
dig for in my hands before I
begin to love my belly
for what it is
for what it can hold
and how many times will
I allow it to stretch
before I want it all
back to me again?
I was given this body
for borrowing.
For giving out on loan.
I have patience for every one of you.

One of my students (this girl's gonna change the mfkn world!@!!)

offered these lyrics as the daily (religionless) "prayer" at Staff Training.

It's an old song..... i can remember listening to it in the back of the school bus, singing the lyrics out loud just because i could CURSE! woohoo

Now, after having lived 10 more years as a woman (and having cursed a fuckload more)
this lyrics are the truth.


I hate the world today
Your so good to me, I know
But I cant change
Tried to tell you but you looked at me like maybe Im an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet

Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how youd be so confused
I dont envy you
Im a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

Im a bitch
Im a lover
Im a child
Im a mother
Im a sinner
Im a saint
I do not feel ashamed
Im your hell
Im you dream
Im nothing in between
You know you wouldnt want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean youll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
And Im going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today wont mean a thing......

A mosquito
in my room at night

Smelling flowers
under Brooklyn while
waiting for the train

Anything to keep
from thinking
of you

Picking at wounds.

opening, opening, opening.

breathing in the places
where fear constricts me

i guess
maybe half
of your mouth
was right.

well, at least this made me feel a little better...

i've tried everything
to get over you
More love, less love, love
to the universe, and love
to my soul. So far,
the only thing that has worked
is Tequila.

-------------

What good would it do
to create something from you, now?
I'm a poet
not a taxidermist.

------------

In the last email
you called me "girl"

Please don't make my
memory so small

it will only prolong your
learning of the lesson
i have stretched out
for you:
you don't know how to love a Woman.

“ The tragedy of being human are the spaces that eventually breathe their way between us, that the hearts once shared have to keep changing.
—
Anis Mojgani (via Twitter) (via hopetimist)

from M. 's blog.. thanks!

"I am two women: one wants to have all the joy, passion and adventure that life can give me. The other wants to be a slave to routine, to family life, to the things that can be planned and achieved. I'm a housewife and a prostitute, both of us living in the same body and doing battle with each other.

The meeting of these two women is a game with serious risks. A divine dance. When we meet, we are two divine energies, two universes colliding. If the meeting is not carried out with due reverence, one universe destroys the other."
-eleven minutes

buffalo

i could imagine this belly could be
used for other things
stretched, translucent, i bet
it could hold water
for your new family
and hopefully a woman more gentle
than me.

i imagine you could widdle down
my arm bone to give mouth
to the wind, I wonder what it would sound like

I wonder what i'm made of
and how much of me is heat
shut off in the middle of the night
how much of me is dough and maternal

the brown in my eyes could be drained, and maybe
something could be written in their ink.

things that i'm afraid of:

-admitting weakness.